27 Apr 2015

The Day I Was Called Pretty...



So for the first time, in as long as I can remember, I was called pretty. It's been a while since I ever heard somebody say pretty and my name in the same sentence. And I admit I cried a little. I suppose I didn't realise how low my self-confidence had become but that's what life does to you. I'm so completely stress out right now that it isn't surprising how bad my skin has become recently. And there is only so much a girl , who is arguable the worst person at doing make-up in the world, can do.

I've spent a life time hiding underneath my hair. Using it like a shield between me and the outside world. I wonder what would happen if I ever decided to get it cut short?

 I didn't quite understand, until now, that I was the reason I felt shit everyday when I looked in the mirror. I was so harsh and so judgmental about myself just because I didn't look like that girl I saw walking down the street or the model on the advert. Duh she's a model! And I know it just sounds completely pathetic and stupid to say because it is, but I am the one who makes myself feel I ugly and worthless. I bully myself into thinking I have to be somebody I'm not in order to be accepted in society. Nobody ever out-rightly called me ugly- I just assume that's what they thought.

Maybe, this was the kind of  wake up call I needed. I mean how often does someone burst out crying when they're given a compliment? I was literally dragging myself down so much because my expectations were too high- far too high for almost anyone to achieve! I should just be happy with what I have cos god knows there's nothing I can do about it now. I suppose you could blame 21st century life, where everything is so heavily based on appearance that nobody really gets to see what's on the inside, because they're too busy looking on the outside. We're told not to judge a book by the cover...but what if it's a really pretty cover?

I won't pretend to you that I don't spend hours scrolling through my Instagram and Twitter feeds or that I don't feel a pang of jealousy when I look at my friends around me. Because I do. I know it's awful but that's what happens to your mind when everyday you tell yourself your not good enough and that nobody could possible enjoy being in your company and well you might as well forget about getting a boyfriend because it's never going to happen.

 It's a painful cycle. And one day, I hope I can eventually wiggle myself out of it. I know the impact of the internet and social media on teenagers is widely spoken about on people's blog. It's so embedded into our lives now that we think nothing of it and despite all the wonders of the World Wide Web, it's bloody evil.

I suggest we all just start being a bit more respectful of each other. A compliment would never go a miss either, guys. It can literally make somebodies day- that or liking one of their Instagram picture always goes down a treat! We may brush it off but sometimes it means everything. Be brave. Be honest- don't bottle it all up inside time and time again just waiting to explode. And most importantly, be you because there is only one you. No matter what you think you, are technically irreplaceable.

Yes, fairy tales are just a load of crap and life isn't all that it's cracked up to be and sucks quite a lot of the time. But do you know what I'm waiting for? The times when it doesn't suck.

Love Beth x

4 comments:

  1. I'm really sorry to hear that you've been thinking about yourself like this. The way I see it is that time is just wasted if you're just comparing yourself to other people. why would you want to spend your life being mean to yourself. I went through a somewhat similar cycle and just decided that I would call myself awesome everyday (amongst other compliments) and eventually you start to believe it and you can start really enjoying your life! Hope you feel better about yourself soon :) I haven't seen a picture of you and I already know you're pretty :) xxx

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    1. I heard that looking in the mirror and giving yourself compliments works well as you say! Thank you so much for your lovely words x

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  2. Although hearing what you say to yourself is upsetting, this post is really good. I like how you have, in a way, stood up to this 'being pretty is all that matters' obsession because every single one of us are way more that what we appear to be. What we have experienced and how we treat others says a lot more about ourselves than what we look like and I'd just wish people wouldn't judge by someones looks. I don't think social media helps in these self-doubting situations because people will only show the good and pretty things about themselves. I wish you all the best for the future and keep blogging because you have some strong messages and a great writing style.
    Emily
    http://paperchainblog.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. I don't think there is really any point in writing a blog if you aren't going to be honest like what you said about social media. It's so false yet we can't help but want their 'perfect' life. Thank your for your kind words. It really does make my day when I read comments like this! xx

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